RL4B: Relentlessly Looking For Beauty

I've been at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota since February 15th. More than three quarters of the time has been spent in the ICU and the hospital. How am I doing? Honestly, it’s been a rough roller coaster. Although my body is SLOWLY healing, my mental health needs support.  I stand in the shadow of anxiety, loneliness, fatigue, frustration, and sadness.  Then gratitude, peace, strength, and optimism shine through the clouds. Eariler this week, I had my first and second panic attack in a series of lucid dreams. Mild hallucinations and imagined voices set in, too. It was scary. It was confusing. Some of what I imagined was kinda funny! When I talked to my doctors, they told me that I likely had a mild case of delirium caused by the disorienation, loud noises, and changing faces of a hospital. They told me my nightmares were typical and reassured me that I was safe. They gave suggestions for relief. Keep your mind occupied with puzzles, word searches, or other hobbies. Move ...

 Hey friends, After a rough week of being very sick in the ICU, I finally graduated yesterday to a regular hospital room! I still have several days of recovery ahead of me but I’m grateful for the positive progress. I appreciate your love and support. It sustains me and gives me comfort.  I will write more later. Love, Lisa

 This is Shawn (husband) writing.  Any misspellings and grammar anomalies are intentional because Lisa would appreciate it😀. Lisa is in the ICU at Mayo hospital.  There was a complication with her feeding tube placement (internal bleeding).  She is in stable condition at this point, the bleeding appears to have stopped.   The image associated with this post is her words to y'all.

Hello everyone! Here’s an update about my time so far at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota…   Travel :  We had about nineteen hours of driving, including stops, over two days. February weather is unpredictable across the northern part of the US, so we were prepared for anything. However, both days were clear and sunny, the roads completely dry with just a bit of wind.   I was worried about Covid risks with bathroom and meal breaks. We brought a cooler with food, and we sought out rest areas instead of gas stations. Each time we stopped, there were either no people around or they were just leaving. Every rest area but one had a family bathroom, a separate, single-stall room, that was perfect for us to use, especially since I needed Shawn’s help.   It was so smooth, it’s almost like Someone cleared the way.   Appointments & Testing : My week has been packed with appointments! This has meant early, early mornings to arrive on time, and late returns back to th...

Well, friends, I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. My health issues (that stem from my muscular dystrophy) just keep progressing and pushing to the front of the line, so they become the biggest part of my day. It seems like it's all I have to talk about. I want to change that. For the most part, I have no control over any of my symptoms (one of the MOST frustrating things). If I think about this for too long, I start to spiral into worry and anxiety. So, despite feeling yucky, or even when I get little pockets of energy, these are the distractions I use to keep my mind off of my complaints and focused on joy. Watch a Show Selection depends on my mental focus, so it could be a mindless competition like America’s Next Top Model or Blown Away. More often, I gravitate towards uplifting, feel-good shows like Queer Eye or Long Island Medium. Sure, they might make me cry, but in a good way. I’ve also found joy in rewatching movies from the nineties and early two-thousands. On...

2020 When I found out my sister’s baby was due a week after my October birthday, I knew immediately what I wanted to give my new niece for Christmas. I planned to sew a quilt using pre-cut squares my late grandmother had sent me a decade ago. These fabric pieces carried a lot of meaning as Grandma was known for making blankets and quilts for every child and adult in her family. I had made a couple of simple blankets before but never what you could call an actual quilt. When I told my husband, Shawn, about my project he bought me a new sewing machine for my birthday along with a table designed specifically for using the machine. I found a YouTube tutorial series that walked me through how to make my first quilt. I ordered supplies like safety pins, special rulers, and two yards of flannel backing. Grandma’s quilt squares were semi-organized and stacked in a cardboard box. I took my time sorting through the different patterns and counting the pieces available as I played with creating a...

Sometimes RL4B means relentlessly listening for beauty ( Here's an earlier post about it ). Part I -- Formation I can’t be sure of the year this story began, but it must have been around 2008 or 2009 because that’s when the guest song leader at church brought her guitar and sang calming, centering songs during prayer time. She made me think of Norah Jones or Jewel as I settled into the peace of the moment. I also can’t be sure of where I first found the Psalm, but since I have a distinct memory of it printed on a folded piece of white paper, it was probably on a worship program that I’d brought home. The verse was a modified NKJV translation of Psalm 130:5-6. It’s a prayer for mercy and forgiveness, and it’s a statement of hope and faith in God and redemption. “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word, I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord .  More than those who watch for the morning - Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.” The words resonated with me, and I d...