RL4B: Relentlessly Looking For Beauty

I joined a book club several years ago because I wanted to a) get out of my reading comfort zone, and b) cultivate meaningful friendships. The group has exceeded my goals and has opened my eyes to a wide range of worldly experiences and ideas. Last month, we selected a book from Emma Watson's book list called The Beauty Myth  by Naomi Wolf. Written in 1991, Wolf examines the evolution of female beauty over the last century and calls out the social, economical, and political constructs at work behind how society defines a "beautiful woman."  She lays out the dangers of buying into the beauty myth: sexual harassment normalization, eating disorders, diet pills and plans, mainstreaming pornography to target young girls, and cosmetic surgery to "fix" a perceived problem.  (** She also points out, in an introduction written in 2001, that men are beginning to feel the effects of the Beauty Myth, too.) And Wolf parallels the encroaching, ever-changing beaut...

I am not the cook in our marriage. I've never had the inclination, intuition, or inspiration to prepare daily meals.  Gratefully, I married a man who does. Oh, I've dabbled with recipes (I absolutely *need* instructions!) over the years, but the coordination of timing, food-handling skills, and ability to manage several cooking utensils at once has never come together for me. This is why when Shawn sent me a text from work asking me to "check into Hello Fresh" I got excited about the idea of cooking. I reviewed the choices on their menu and was energized by the idea of having detailed, step-by-step instructions along with the exact amount of each item required for the recipe. Our first three meal kits arrived at our front door last week in a large box. It was filled with ice packs, insulation, and three clearly-labeled (squee!) bags of ingredients. I transferred them to the refrigerator and made plans to make the pork chop dish that night. Shawn...

Last Friday I woke up feeling awful.   I was severely bloated, my right foot was swollen so much my shoes barely fit, and my face was puffy. I felt short of breath and exhausted. I was struggling to find the beauty in the day. I have been addressing high estrogen levels for about six months, but it has been slowly ramping up the last three months. I've been gaining weight with the extra fluids, but I have managed to cope on most days. Until Friday. I stepped on the scale, and was defeated when I registered the highest number I’d seen in four years. Frustrated tears came to my eyes as I swallowed an extra dose of diuretics and thought about what I should  do. I decided to call my naturopathic doctor who has been treating me for this problem. I knew it was unlikely that I’d get in to see her anytime soon, but I wanted to talk with her anyway. When I explained the situation, her assistant told me there was a last-minute cancellation. She exclaimed, “Wow, his never happe...

I was raised to embrace a self-sufficient work ethic. Maybe you were, too. If a job needed done, the right path was to roll up your sleeves, gather your tools, and do it on your own. There was a certain pride and sense of accomplishment in completing the task, especially if you had taken the initiative without being asked. I still get that good feeling when I finish a job. However, my chore list has shortened considerably as my muscular dystrophy has progressed, limiting my physical abilities. Several years ago, after pushing past the pain one too many times while cleaning the house, I realized it was time to hire help. Nancy has been an angel in my life as she visits twice a month to scrub, dust, and vacuum our home, yet I still avoid talking about "having a house cleaner." And when I do say something, I always qualify it with an explanation of my limitations, hoping to dispel any negative labels or guilt-inducing feelings. However, Nancy, and others like her, are av...

Each year, Memorial Day weekend marks the beginning of camping season for us. Over the last fifteen years, we’ve only stayed home a handful of times. Adding to the tradition, we camp in the same spot, with the same group of friends, and go on the same rides nearly every year. I’ve written before about traditions and the connection with sensory details that trigger memories, and our camping excursions have certainly done that. But in the last four years, a deeper layer has been added to the holiday. Five years ago, Shawn’s mom, Bev, unexpectedly passed away. Since we were camping in the mountains, we didn’t have cell service to get the news. Instead, it had to be relayed from Shawn’s sister to my mom, who had been planning to drive up later that day. On her hurried drive to our camping spot, Mom kept seeing bluebirds, and she couldn’t help but thinking of Bev’s joyous spirit as she watched the beautiful, fluttering creatures. One followed her into camp as she knocked o...

For nearly two years, I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring.   First, I lost so much weight so that it slid easily off my finger. The jeweler was able to size it down, but then a few months later, I had gained enough weight to make the ring too tight. Unsure of my body's next move, I put my ring in a drawer for a while. About a year ago, I wanted to size the ring up, but the cost was so steep, I couldn't afford it. The ring went back in the drawer. As our twentieth anniversary approached last August, I bought a rope necklace and strung it through the ring, wearing it around my neck for several months. But it wasn't the same as wearing it on my finger, and the ring spent more time in the drawer. Then six weeks ago, after my Grandma had passed away, I received one of her rings. I knew right away that I should resize both rings so I could wear them, and with my husband's new job (and pay raise), I could now afford it. I picked up both rings today, and I...

Today was Errand Day. I had to be out of the house from 10 to 1:30 for my house cleaner, so I decided to catch up on a couple of tasks I'd been putting off. Here's how I found beauty and joy with each stop. I went first to Baker Opticians for some new lenses for my computer glasses. I had expected to see my long-time friend and former co-worker behind the desk, but another face greeted me. I wondered about the optician on duty and how much I would have to explain about my needs, but he picked up my records and spoke to me as if he'd known me for years. It was beautiful to make a new connection at a familiar place. Next I drove to Price Rite Pharmacy to rent some medical equipment. I'm an established customer, but I still expected to spend some time describing what I was after - an assistive device for my husband to keep weight off his foot. When I entered the store, Randy, who helped me with my wheelchair and is typically upstairs managing chair fittings and or...